Well Jeff and I are definately off again. It comes at a bad time. but what can I do? He has decided not to be with me b/c I went out last weekend. Funny thing is he says I snuck out but how do you sneak out? If he isnt here, why would I call him up and announce to him that I want to go out so I can hear his mouth? No sense in that. So I called him on my way home from the bar and he was pissed. But I havent been out since January! And before that it was a year...I went out with two girls I havent hung out with in years...

So now he is being a huge jerk. I mean realllly mean. And I definately dont deserve that. Once again he takes no fault for anything that went wrong in the relationship. He says that maybe he slept all day but thats becuase he was having a problem (depression) But fuck that. I am so sick of hearing him scream and cry about his depression but not do anything about it. I have tried everything I could think of to help him and he wont accept it. I can only take so much. I deal with the kids daily. They are automatically my responsibility- No questions asked. I deal with our sons outbursts, his counseling, court, the other kids, Jeffs nephew who is with me 24/7 I never get a break from these things and on top of that, Im not working at the moment so that stresses me out. And through all of this do you want to know what Jeff is doing? SLEEPING. All day everyday. So the fuck what if I go out one time. I fucking stressed. I need a break and you dont fucking provide it! You dont help with shit. you would never watch my neice or nephews every fucking day. As a matter of fact I cant ever remember a time when you watched one of them. But that would just be stupid b/c you dont even watch your own kids...

And....While I am over here with no job and he has 40 grand saved. Why did this asshole take my food stamp card, so I have to spend my own money (which I dont have alot of to last me till i get a paycheck) on food. It costs about $40 a day to feed myself and all 4 kids. And he takes my food stamp card. I asked him for it back and he said he didnt have it. Just like my $100 I asked him for that he claimed he didnt have for almost a week. Im sorry I dont have 40 grand laying around.... Every penny counts asshole!

So anyway... What am I going to do about this situation? I have no idea. In a perfect world if I had lots of strength I would get my card back and not fuck with him anymore. But its not a perfect world, damn it!