feeling like shit

So...Jeff and I just had a big fight because of Jeffrey. I dont know what to do about that kid. He is sooo disrespectful. He talks crap to me, disobeys me, and has a total lack of respect for me in general. Today he was sitting in my room and just kept being rude, and refusing to get out of my room. I asked him several times to leave and he wouldnt. On top of that he was just complaining how he is so bored and why dont i take him somewhere, why dont I cook what HE wants for dinner..... on and on and on. for about 1/2 hour. Finally I said "Get up and walk out of my room immediately without saying another word" -He didnt. It kept going to the point I had to pick him up and remove him, while he is acting like a wet noodle and falling to the ground. So I smacked him in the back of the head. He threw himself on the ground crying and I shut my bedroom door. He gets up and screams that he is calling the cops on me and runs downstairs to get the phone. So I follow him and this time I really lay into his ass. Im so sick of his shit. And what was Jeff doing the entire time this was going on? He is sitting on the floor like a fucking rock. A dumb, fucking motionless rock. He sits right there and lets his son disrespect me!

So I come back in the room and and I tell Jeff that he needs to start helping. He informs me that he is going to his house in Elyria, wants to break up and he will take the kids on the weekends? WHAT THE FUCK??? Im fine with a break up. I think its really shitty on his part that he doesnt help even when he sees that I am at the end of my rope. It never occurs to step in before things get out of hand. Ive tried to talk to him about this and he blames his depression. Well Im sick of hearing it. My priority is myself and my 3 kids. Not him. He is last in line. If he wants to put himself and his depression first and not get any help for it, then why should I put him first? It would be different if he wanted to get help but he doesnt. He is so far gone that he doesnt see a light. Im not a heartless bitch I have tried numerous times to help him, but I just dont know what else to do.... And I had the same problem with depression when we first found out about "the incident". I always get seasonal depression but this was in a league of its own. It was the worst Ive ever had. But I went to the doctors and got medicine. I did what I had to do to pull myself together for my kids! Now Im regretting that. Not because I dont think my kids deserve it, but because I stepped up to the plate regarding children services, court, conseling, school, doctors, everything. I have been handling everything all by myself while Jeff sits there like a rock and its not fair. So when life gets to be too much for me, who do I lean on? I cant lean on him b/c he's not there for me....He is physically here, but not mentally or emotionally.

So here I am once again feeling like shit, because I have to deal with life in general, plus all the shit thats going on with Jeffrey, not to mention Jeff's family is a bunch of fucking assholes and Jeff just leaves. And leaves me here with the kids, frusterated as can be. Just leaves. He has a total lack of respect for me and wonders where the kids get it from. WTF?